Spring has been an eternal excuse for people to get a little frisky; to let their guard down, let their worries down, let their pants down, etc. Folks are coupling off faster than you can count flowers and the word ‘Hamptons’ seems to penetrate every New York conversation. Many of us who spent chilly winter evenings enwrapped in a duvet cover eating ramen in front of game shows are now out every night – because there’s sun, because Happy Hours are actually ‘happy,’ because you don’t need industrial strength layers, mittens, and warm accessories to get where you need to go. All you need’s a sundress, a song and a skip.

While this all sounds fabulous, it’s a big lifestyle adjustment to trade your nightly mac’n’cheese in bed for nightly evenings at Marquee. All this joyousness can lead to a condition I like to call ‘Spring Over Kill.’ The symptoms include severe exhaustion, daily hangovers, and hormones going haywire. Since the long-awaited good weather’s irresistible, you’re incapable of taking it easy at home. You’ve shed your hermit skin and have transformed into a social butterfly that’s out 24-7. The problem is that if you overdo it partying now, you’ll be dead before summer.

So in an attempt to help cure cases of SOK (Spring Over Kill), I’ve created a reference to analyze how we’re all handling the change of seasons. Utilize the spring nightlife guide below to determine if your party fever’s OK, dangerous, or out of control to the point where you need to padlock yourself in your apartment for some R&R.

Entrance Drama

OK: You know the doorman’s name
Dangerous: You have a secret handshake
Lock Yourself Up: You bolt the club closed together before 5 A.M. breakfast

Bottle Service

OK: Just when clients are in town
Dangerous: Just when anyone’s in town
Lock Yourself Up: As long as you’re in town

After Clubbing Snacks

OK: Occasional street meat
Dangerous: The vendor knows how spicy you like your taco
Lock Yourself Up: You have an automatically renewing 4 A.M. reservation at L’Express

Dating

OK: You pick up some numbers
Dangerous: You pick up some people
Lock Yourself Up: You can’t pick up anyone you haven’t already hooked up with

Bathrooms

OK: You use the shortcut
Dangerous: You’re used to the bathroom attendant greeting you with a hug
Lock Yourself Up: You use the staff bathroom and have the access code memorized

Night Doorman

OK: He expects you home between 2 and 4 A.M.
Dangerous: He often has to carry you in
Lock Yourself Up: You get home so late he’s already off shift

Promoters

OK: You get 3 – 5 promotional texts a day
Dangerous: You reply to 3 – 5 promotional texts a day
Lock Yourself Up: You participate to the extent where people think you’re a promoter yourself

Drinking

OK: A few drinks never killed anyone
Dangerous: A few bottles never killed anyone
Lock Yourself Up: Regular blackouts never killed anyone

Shots

OK: On special occasions, fine
Dangerous: On every occasion, cheers!
Lock Yourself Up: Constantly circulating on platters, thanks!

Hangovers

OK: Sometimes my head hurts
Dangerous: Sometimes I forget how to multiply and divide
Lock Yourself Up: I don’t get hangovers thanks to my mimosa intake the next morning.

Liquor Intake

OK: Politely sipping from a champagne flute or drinking through a straw
Dangerous: Through six straws
Lock Yourself Up: Directly from bottle

Security

OK: The security guard doesn’t know me
Dangerous: The security guard knows I’m a regular
Lock Yourself Up: The security guard knows more about my life then I do

Credit Card

OK: Always in my wallet
Dangerous: Always behind a bar
Lock Yourself Up: Always missing and could be at Scores

Results

Mostly OKs: Continue to party responsibly

Dangerous: Make yourself stay in with a movie at least thee times this week

Lock Yourself Up: Put down the drink you’re holding. Detox in bed with Echinacea and green tea. No going out again until you can complete the mental equivalent of a crossword or intermediate Sudoku puzzle.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Tags: clubs, drinking, New York, partying, promoters, quizzes, spring, too much fun

This entry was posted on Monday, April 21st, 2008 at 3:52 pm and is filed under clubs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.