Nightlife Crazies: How To Stock a Bar, The Advanced Manual
It’s common fact that a house party is only as good as its bar. It’s also a common fact that your house party will continue as long as liquor in any form is present.
Mathematical equation: Party longevity is in direct correlation with your liquor stash.
The above photo is noteworthy because it represents the most stocked, complete, casual house party bar I’ve ever seen. Visualize that this is just a section of one table and that there were three tables at this shindig.
Let’s observe what makes whoever put this spread of debauchery together, the party guru version of Yoda:
1. Every kind of liquor known to humans is represented on this table: We’ve got wine for the boring people, beer for the relaxed people and over a dozen bottles of vodka for the “I like my drinks to have a 40% proof” people. The mixers are countless.
2. One of the key ingredients that help people enjoying getting drunk, limes and lemons, which are often forgotten about at house soirees, are omnipresent.
3. This host is also prepared for imminent disaster – note the paper towels at the centerfold of his buffet.
4. There is also a very high stack of plastic cups at the bottom left-hand corner of our photo.
You think running out of ice or mixers kills a party?
Running out of cups will assassinate it faster.
I learned this lesson the hard way when I threw a 150 person holiday party and therefore thought that around 150 blue and red plastic Duane Reade cups would be enough.
Newsflash: The average house partygoer in a lost stream of drinking, dancing, and dishevelment, goes through at least 3 cups a night. So take your party expectancy, add 40 party crashers for good measure, and multiply that number by 4 for safety, and that’s the minimum number of cups you’ll need to get.
Since I sensed the foreboding cup crisis early in the evening, I spent a chunk of the party running around with a sharpie writing names on people’s plastic glasses in the vain hope that they might reuse their cups. These kinds of tactics only work with intelligent beings like kindergarten students, not with festering, drunk, adult New Yorkers. This exercise was useless.
Later, things got desperate and I found myself above the sink like a scullery maid washing plastic drinking vessels. The whole point of plastic stuff is that you never, ever, should have to wash them. I did my best and pawned off the second time around Duane Reade glasses like a watch peddler in Chinatown. Yes, the sanitary police should come and shoot me.
Learn from this photo folks. It’s only a matter of time before you’re the stressed out host sending champagne SOSes and ordering innocent people on ice runs. Preparation is the key.
Tags: bars, drinking, nightlife crazies, parties, partying
