If your New York relationship was good (and by good I mean was able to last longer than the customary three months), it can be exceedingly difficult to let go of. City breakups are rough, and if you partied together, splitting up can also lead to a lot of awkward encounters and hardcore game playing.

So here’s my question: If you have clout at a nightlife establishment i.e. you know the doorman, the owner, the investor who mattered or the security dude, is it socially or morally acceptable to have your ex-significant other banned from the place? Setting up an infrastructure with the powers of the locale so that when your ex walks up to the red rope they’re automatically turned away? A nightlife blacklisting of sorts?

I think the answer to this question is more complicated than it seems. On the one hand, this is spiteful, childish, and clearly illustrates that you still like the person and haven’t moved on. On the other hand, aren’t all relationships, at their fundamental level, a power struggle? And what better way to showcase your power than by excommunicating the former object of your affection from a place that you used to both go to together? And with New York being as large as it is, is it really so much to ask that they party somewhere else?

Just like a messy custody battle, it’s not that easy to divvy up your spots versus my spots. What are former couples supposed to do? Create some sort of calendar that clarifies you can go to Goldbar every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and he can have full reign of 1 Oak on Saturdays? When there is no tacit agreement, and your request for personal space at Cain is disregarded (meaning your ex shows up and flaunts their new diet and girlfriend in your face) is it okay to use your connections to make sure the club’s staff keeps them out?

Anyone who’s ever had a disastrous clubbing event with an ex, cast your vote here.

The downside of dating someone you go out and have fun with is that you’ll eventually have to see them drunk, at night clubs, post break-up. You’d think that because New York is ginormous, the chances of running into your ex would be slim. This could not be father from the truth. Most circles of friends frequent a rotating handful of places, the grown-up equivalent of the three neighborhood bars in college. Running into you’re ex isn’t a probability, it’s a certainty. And thanks to alcohol, all your emotions will be heightened and on edge. So ‘sadness’ becomes ‘SADNESS!’ and ‘I wasn’t that into him,’ becomes ‘We were building a LIFE together.’

So not only are you entering an inevitably awkward, emotionally uncomfortable situation, you’re doing it on dramatic steroids. How to handle such encounters? Let’s explore a few.

1. DBS (Devil Bitch Stare): Most women perfected this glare that resonates pure hate and loathing in middle school. Men might have to practice a half-hour in the mirror since cattiness doesn’t come as naturally. Stare with a seething that implies ‘if you contracted leprosy and your limbs fell off, I’d laugh,’ and you’ll know you’ve got the tone right. If you don’t want to have to interact with your former significant other while you’re out, DBS will do the trick. Give ‘em this gaze and they won’t come within a twenty foot radius.

2. Amnesia Effect: When your eyes meet awkwardly across the room, greet the ex with the blank stare of a head trauma victim. People get amnesia everyday! It could’ve happened to you! This immature solution also takes the ball out of your court. It’s now your ex’s job to figure out whether to approach you and ask what’s wrong or play along like you don’t know each other. Genius!

3. Jealousy Card: Grab the nearest homosapien (man, woman, waitress, security guard) and flirt with them like it’s the Special Olympics of speed dating. Gaze into their eyes, shimmy with them, dance with them, engage them in a sensual salsa. Your nerves about seeing your ex will be temporarily channeled into faux desire. He’ll roll his eyes so much he’ll risk cornea damage.

4. Payback: Greet him with an ‘accidental’ stiletto thrust into the foot or crotch. Give him a friendly shove from behind so his drink ends up on the girl he’s chatting up’s lap. Tell the security guard you saw him dealing drugs near the bathroom. All are equally effective on separate scales.

5. Spread Rumors: Engage in eye contact with the ex while chatting and whispering to someone else. The ex will sense you’re talking about him, and subsequently be curious, then enraged. When they confront you about why you’re acting ‘like a bitch’ you can deny you were ever talking about him OR fess up that you were just telling so-and-so about his Winnie the Pooh fetish. Revenge always makes your vodka tonic taste a little sweeter.

That about sums up the emotional immaturity I have to offer today. Of course there are kind and courteous ways to deal with bumping into an ex at a nightclub as well, but who wants to hear about those? This is New York. Relationship torture is our forte.

P.S. Just to keep up our theme of petty competition, anyone care to guess at which New York nightlife establishment the title photo was taken? The answer on Monday.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Since it’s spring and we’re all hitting on each other, I wanted to take a quick moment to analyze some of the most common going-out pick up lines and why they’re effective, or not. Here we go:

“Hi, I’m _____.” This is straight forward, simple, and clear. So you think women might appreciate it. Wrong! This simple introduction tactic has never really worked for me. Not only is it unoriginal, it’s boring. It makes you a name instead of a person. Have you ever noticed that if you instantaneously get along with someone you practically forget to exchange names since you’re so into the endorphin-fueled chemistry that’s taking over your bodies?

“Can I buy you a drink?” Generosity is good. Offering to pay is chivalrous. But unless you’re approaching a lady who’s determined to get hammered, this line has the ability to scare women away. The offer to buy can make women subconsciously feel indebted to you. Maybe I’m a spaz, but I feel like a drink offer is just too commitment heavy for the first words out of your mouth. Realize that most women feel it’s necessary to make small talk with you until said drink has been consumed. Unless you’re doing shots, that could take fifteen minutes. If it’s become clear she wants to talk for an extended period of time regardless, then pull out the drink line.

“You’re beautiful / Do you know how beautiful you are? / You’re the most beautiful girl here.” Newsflash! If you’re using the word ‘beautiful’ in your pick up line you’ve already failed. Just go home and masturbate now. Insincere flattery will get you nowhere and if the girl truly is beautiful she knows it. You pointing it out will probably just make her uncomfortable.

“Do you come here often?” While boring and unoriginal, I think this is a safe and functional conversation opener. There’s no mention of money, buying things, sexual attraction or other ‘uncomfortable’ topics. This is a neutral question that promotes a conversation flow (ex: “Yes, I come here often, I live around the corner.” “No, first time. It’s my friend’s birthday.”)

“What are you drinking?” This may be my favorite. If you like the guy you can come up with a sassy answer and progress naturally to the buying a drink stage. If you don’t like him, you just tell him the facts (you’re drinking gin and tonic), smile, and easily get away.

“I like your MoJo / Growling / Other such absurdities.” If you can pull it off, go for it. The one good thing about weirdo pick up lines is that if they’re bizarre enough, you’ll get the woman’s attention from shock factor alone. Will she judge you for it for the rest of your conversation/relationship? Probably.

“Is that the sun coming up…or is that just you lighting up my world? / Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle / If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard / etc.” Everything in this pre-formulated pick up line category is bad. I’m not even going to comment.

What should women use on men? Well, I’m guilty of the point-blank awkward, “hey,” and the “what are you drinking?” line. If I’m really desperate I’ll talk to the guy pretending he’s someone I might know and then feign embarrassment / surprise when we actually don’t know each other. Cheap and lame, I realize. Suggestions? Comments? Feel free to add on your own.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com