If your New York relationship was good (and by good I mean was able to last longer than the customary three months), it can be exceedingly difficult to let go of. City breakups are rough, and if you partied together, splitting up can also lead to a lot of awkward encounters and hardcore game playing.

So here’s my question: If you have clout at a nightlife establishment i.e. you know the doorman, the owner, the investor who mattered or the security dude, is it socially or morally acceptable to have your ex-significant other banned from the place? Setting up an infrastructure with the powers of the locale so that when your ex walks up to the red rope they’re automatically turned away? A nightlife blacklisting of sorts?

I think the answer to this question is more complicated than it seems. On the one hand, this is spiteful, childish, and clearly illustrates that you still like the person and haven’t moved on. On the other hand, aren’t all relationships, at their fundamental level, a power struggle? And what better way to showcase your power than by excommunicating the former object of your affection from a place that you used to both go to together? And with New York being as large as it is, is it really so much to ask that they party somewhere else?

Just like a messy custody battle, it’s not that easy to divvy up your spots versus my spots. What are former couples supposed to do? Create some sort of calendar that clarifies you can go to Goldbar every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and he can have full reign of 1 Oak on Saturdays? When there is no tacit agreement, and your request for personal space at Cain is disregarded (meaning your ex shows up and flaunts their new diet and girlfriend in your face) is it okay to use your connections to make sure the club’s staff keeps them out?

Anyone who’s ever had a disastrous clubbing event with an ex, cast your vote here.

When I lived in Milan I knew Ania J. as that sassy, over-the-top diva in my group of girlfriends who was always harassing us to come hang out with her at Milan’s underground club Gasoline. Six years later, this Canadian vocalist has achieved Italian fame and is hard to miss in the European club culture. She’s in your face no matter what musical genre, vocalizing over beats aside top international DJs, as Masters at Work, Joe T Vanelli, Kenny Carpenter, Supernova and more.

In March 2005, Ania J. traveled to Miami for the Winter Music Conference together with producer Giacomo Godi from SUPERNOVA, representing their first single “Rock U,” which hit the top ten charts in the house genre in Europe and New York. Ania J.’s performed at various fashion ceremonies including Dolce & Gabbana, where she shared the stage with Grace Jones, and perhaps most well-known for her regular performances at Milan’s most exclusive nightclub, Chandelier Motel - the dinner theater New York’s The Box is modeled after.

Since America’s a bit behind on the vocalist bandwagon and many clubbers, myself included, don’t fully understand what a vocalist is, I sat down with this “rock star angel” to learn about nightlife through her eyes.

Can you explain what a club vocalist is?

It’s someone who wakes up the crowd and gets them involved with the music. Someone who knows how to intervene with the music, yet not over do it!

How and where did this tradition begin? When did it become popular in nightlife and why?

I used to go to raves in Canada when I was really little and saw people performing vocals at raves. So I think it’s a rave tradition. In the commercial base really started in Italy. It became really popular in Italy and that’s where I was at the time.

Why is it a bigger phenomenon in Europe than America?

I don’t know. See in America you don’t really have vocalists. A vocalist in America is a singer. I think it’s different in Europe because people really like it when you give them attention. Like people really like to hear their name called out if they’re celebrating a special occasion. The crowd likes it when you make them feel good about themselves. People like to stand out in clubs in Europe. They like to be part of the scene, part of the party. So if you involve them with the vocalist and the DJ, they feel like they’re part of the party themselves, not just going out to the club and dancing with three friends. They become one with the entire experience.

You’re originally from Canada. How did your career in music begin and how did you end up in Italy?

I was modelling before I started doing what I’m doing now - before I became a singer / vocalist. I was modelling in Europe (Paris, London, Austria, Greece) and I met this agent who brought me to Milan. And that’s where it all began. I was modelling and going out to clubs a lot. I was going out in Milan more than anywhere else. One of those nights, I drank a little bit more. I saw the mike and I grabbed it. (laughs) It’s the champagne, Dom Perignon. That’s how it all happened.

Had you ever sung before then?

No. As a child, I played the piano by ear. At age seven, I kept asking my dad for a piano. He’d ask me, “Why?” And I’d say, “Because I know I can play!”

But you didn’t have any formal voice training?

Never. No. I was always shy. I was always admiring singers. When I was ten, I remember someone asked me if I had one wish, what would you ask for? And I said I would love to sing in front of an audience of ten thousand people and feel that energy. Whenever they advertised things for kids, toys or whatever that had to do with music, I remember I always wanted them. But I never knew I could sing. I was just always attracted to music.

So after you grabbed the mike that one time, how were you able to make a name for yourself in Milan? How did you start working in nightlife?

It happened on its own. I was lost. I was a model. I didn’t want to go back home without achieving something more or discovering a new dream and knowing what to do with it. I was always very goal oriented as a kid, and I always wanted a dream: The one thing that I could call mine, focus and go for. After I grabbed the mike that one time, a friend of mine came in from Canada and had me do it again as a dare. And we were at a huge party, a fashion party for Andrew Mackenzie, in Milan.

So I went to the DJ and I lied. I told him that I knew Andrew Mackenzie and that he wanted me to take the mike. So I took the mike and started doing some vocals. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I had no clue. Then this guy Filippo Rossi, from Gasoline Club [Milan] came up to me and started asking me what I did and took my number. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to stay in Milan that summer or if I was going home. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was lost. And Filippo really took me under his wing. Gasoline was my school. Filippo believed in me. Anyone else would’ve said, “Get out of here!” cause I think I sucked in the beginning! (laughs)

Then from there people come to the club, see you, and ask you to come to their club. It’s like a chain. A domino effect. And somebody came who worked at Chandelier Motel (Milan) and asked me if I wanted to work there. I said yes and that was six years ago. And at the time I was working as a vocalist at another night in Milan called New York Bar, and I couldn’t really work both of them because they’re hot clubs in the same city – they where in competition. So I decide to try and offer to Chandelier that I would sing. I felt ready to just sing, and at New York Bar I’d just do vocalist so I could work them both. And it just so happened that they both agreed! So I did both of them one night, for one year. I was opening New York Bar, taking a cab, going to Chandelier, singing there, getting in a cab, going to New York Bar, closing the night there and then going back to Chandelier. No one’s ever done that. That was a first in the history of Vocalist!

How do you book jobs?

I have an agent / manager but I also do it myself when it comes to clients I have worked with for over the past six years. You build up a clientele through word of mouth.

Can a person make a career out of working in nightlife?

In Milan, yeah. In Italy, yes. There are vocalist that are forty-something, and they’ve been doing this for twenty years.

What are the pros and cons?

Well, you’re around a lot of alcohol and drugs. That’s the difficult part about working at night. If you’re doing three gigs a week and if you start drinking, you just kind of keep drinking and that gets tiring after awhile. Sometimes you just want to stay in and watch a film like everyone else and you can’t cause you’re working. You also don’t see your friends that much because you’re working on weekends and holidays when everyone gets together. So you’re pretty much always alone. Then if you’re travelling all the time - it’s like any artist - you’re alone all the time.

Tell me about the persona you project when you sing. I know you love wearing wigs and have an over-the-top personal style. Where did this come from?

Honestly, I didn’t really think of it before. I wanted something special. I wanted something my own. I was always really creative. I’d change my clothes from what everybody else was wearing, I’d have the same shirt as someone else, but I’d have to cut it or do something to it to make it different. I used to shop second hand a lot. I’m always looking for something different. Something that when I see it, I know it has my name on it. I really have to like the piece. I like punk-ish, yet elegant and clean. I like bright colors, but I also like black and white. I’m constantly changing. You never know with me. Like with the wigs. I used to wear wigs just going out. You don’t have to style you hair and you get into this other character. You make this big impact. You feel big with a wig! I love big hair. My hair is so thin, and there’s so little you can do with my hair. If I had a huge afro, I’d just leave it like that.

Where’s your favorite place to perform?

Chandelier Motel. Antonio Coppola makes up great choreographies and he always makes me look outstanding on stage surrounding me with dancers acrobats special effects…a little club stage becomes a circus and I love it!!!!

Do clubs need vocalists? Why? What do you bring to a party?

It depends on the club. If it’s really deep house and people just want to go and be in their own little world and dance, than I don’t think they need a vocalist. Sometimes a vocalist can help involve the crowd in the party - and give them something extra. You vocalise and reach out with your voice and energy to them and you’re giving them something. Not just saying, ‘Put your hands up!’ and if you’re singing, you’re really giving them something.

What’s your favorite kind of music?

I don’t have a favorite kind of music. I love music. I love classical music. I love hip hop. I love rock. I love punk, rockabilly, Mozart, house, club, electro. If the song has a good beat, good lyrics and a good melody it could be anything. It could be a country song. I like Garth Brooks. I love Bob Dylan. It’s the song in itself. And I’m such a chameleon with everything, with fashion and music, that I could never just stick to one style.

Can you tell us some of your favorite artists or DJs?

A lot of DJs from New York are not used to working with vocalists. More of the bigger European DJs are okay with it, like David Guetta, Dimitri from Paris, although he was a little skeptical about having a vocalist at first. Other good DJs and club scene artists: Supernova (Italy), Pete Tong, Bruno Bolla (Italy), Princess Superstar, Deep Dish, Joe T Vanelli, Moloko, Peaches (She’s Canadian!)

What’s a vocalist’s relationship with the DJ? Do you two have to be perfectly synergized? Are there ever feuds?

A good vocalist doesn’t work well because of the DJ, they work well because of the music. You have to have the rhythm in your heart and you have to listen. You have to know when he’s mixing. And when he’s mixing, you shut up. When he’s playing and there’s a singing song, you don’t sing on top. That’s where a lot of vocalists go wrong. They sing on top and they ruin the song. You listen to the music and you stay out of the DJs way. You do your own thing. You weave yourself in with the music and the rhythm.

How do you know when to sing and when to shut up?

I feel it. It’s instinct. And I try not to overdo it. I said I try!!!! (laughs)

Do you have every house song in the world memorized?

Are you crazy? I don’t even know the names of the songs. I’ve been working with house music for the past six or seven years. I’ve heard some songs a thousand times and I don’t know the words. When I work I get lost. In my work, in the music, in the people. I’m not there for the DJ. You want to blend in with his music but stand out on your own.

Can a vocalist ever over do it and detract from the music, making a party worse?

Yeah, they can. If they’re screaming all the time. If they’re talking too much. I wouldn’t want to go to a party if I heard one of my favorite songs and someone started yelling over it ‘Put your hands up!’ and screaming at the top of their lungs all the time. Say what you need to say, make it short, make it sweet, and shut up!

Do you sing words? How do you know what to say?

Yeah! I sing words. Or I sing vocals. Skats. I wrote poetry as a child and I love rhyming words and it just comes to me. I pick at things. Like I’ll see a couple fighting in the audience and I’ll hear a beat and I sing -

He loves me

He loves me not

He loves me

He loves me not

Because you get it from them. They feed it to me.

Have you ever been booed off stage or sang for crowd that just wasn’t feeling it?

No, but I was really paranoid at the beginning. If people were looking toward me and laughing I’d always think they were laughing at me. But I think every artist goes through that.

How do you energize a crowd?

I just get in front of the crowd usually in front of or aside the DJ. I grab the mike and begin by announcing the DJ, myself and the party. This usually gets everyone going (it all depends on how you say it). I wait for the pause in the music, this way they can hear me more. I rehearse what I’m about to say in my mind by memorizing names…dates…the event the city I’m in… Sometimes I’ll ask the DJ how long the pause is before the beat kicks in, this way as I’m going up with my voice the music will kick in at the right time of my intro.

What was your best clubbing experience ever?

I used to love going to raves when I was younger. Because of the music. I loved jungle. And I loved dancing. I was in the best shape of my life back then.

Favorite club to go to?

I don’t really like crowded clubs. I like smaller clubs. Only when I’m working do I like big clubs because I like being on stage. I like Gasoline Club Milan because it’s so underground. It’s so tiny and it has its own character. And they change every year. They paint. So one year it’ll be a Barbie theme and everything is pink and gold and then they’ll have a war theme with messages about peace and love written on the wall - its’ like walking into a comic book.

Tell me something you love about New York nightlife.

It all depends on the club you go to…in New York where I was performing at the Mansion, people where going insane dancing and jumping up and down I loved it…but I notice that people in New York prefer more intimate clubs…like The Box, GoldBar… where they can hang with a close group of friends.

Favorite Song?

“Blowing in the Wind” by Bob Dylan

Favorite drink?

Green tea because it’s detoxifying.

Favorite cities to perform?

Milan, New York, Switzerland

Future plans?

I have been working with dual DJ’s producers Supernova (Giacomo Godi, Emilliano Nencioni) in Milan, Italy for the past four years. We have come out with s few singles on the house charts in Europe and U.S. as well as our first album last year Supernova (Downtown Underground), where four of the songs on the album where co-written with me. Two of the songs came out as singles. Silence is the Enemy, & Dude. You can hear the songs and see the videos on www.myspace.com/anotherblondeakaaniaj

I am also working on my own album coming out soon, “Sex, Detox and Rock ‘n Roll.” So keep in touch New York!

Wednesday night Upstairs, the exclusive SoHo club and location of much debauchery like dollar bill tossing, was raided by the cops.

Old news.

The charges had something to do with liquor license violations and a legal problem with the sound system. All I focused on was trying to hide my inherent panic: Where would I go to hear Hip Hop and Bruce Springsteen in the same night? Where would men go to meet models age sixteen and under? Where would Leonardo Di Caprio go to schmooze low key with his entourage?

Luckily, this terrifying series of questions didn’t continue for long. A mere thirty-six hours after the raid, I received a text from one of the owners at Upstairs assuring me it was re-opened and ready for Friday night. That was fast! It wasn’t until I was in the club this weekend that I realized why: The bar was closed.

But don’t think Upstairs was going to let a pesky little thing like a liquor license get in the way of their bash or business plan. They’re just serving bottle service only until further notice – and the creepy part is that is took me twenty minutes to even notice that the bar looked like an abandoned warehouse: a blank wall, utterly void of life, liquor or bar tenders.

Talk about a loophole in the system!

“No, you cannot purchase a vodka on the rocks; I can only sell you the entire bottle.”

Interesting.

I found this similar to how Milan recently enacted laws that prohibit liquor from being sold after 2 AM instead of after 4 AM in order to help prevent drunk driving. Now bartenders scream, “Two AM last call! Everyone get your bottles!” and people stock up on Magnums or just purchase bottles of champagne which they walk around downing as if it were JuicyJuice.

Yes, this is really going to encourage people to drink less.

Just when you think you’ve seen all the weirdness NYC has to offer, you stumble across a party like this.

Dressed like a normal person and expecting another uneventful clubbing night out, I unsuspectingly found myself at the Kostume Kult and Disorient’s annual Black and Light ball at Comix, an experience which can only be described as “jaw dropping.” Different artistic projects took place throughout the party which ranged from a mock Vogue-style photo shoot to performance art involving laptops and wall projections, and body painting with spay cans. Then you had your rave areas in the large back room and downstairs.

The Kostume Kult goes to Burning Man every year, so the party doubled as a fundraiser for their camp. I have an endlessly fascination with Burning Man and suggest that anyone unaware of the tradition read about it here. Amongst the black lit carnival, I felt like the freak as I sipped an amaretto in a plain black dress among

-People with neon afro wigs larger than the circumference of my closet

-Naked couples wearing only body paint, sheathes, and nipple covers (my favorite were the orange leopards with gold tassels on their boobs)

-Dresses that left one breast exposed

-Transparent skirts that left vaginas exposed

-Colorful fake eyelashes long enough to be a fire hazard on the dance floor

-Enough glitter to fill an Olympic size pool

-More colors of pleather than I knew existed

I’d need to drop some acid in order to even come up with a costume as unique and creative as these folks did. I didn’t end up doing much partying as the visual fun of this circus kept me continually aghast. My friend and I spent so much time admiring the kult’s ensembles and postulating which couples had the craziest sex that we even forgot to drink! Imagine!

A video of what it’s all about here,

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Ah, Cain.

This is one of those nightlife establishments my heart goes out to. It’s like that really popular kid in high school who had the world at his finger tips, but ultimately ended up staying in his home town, teaching local soccer, and living in his mother’s basement.

This isn’t exactly a negative: Who doesn’t like the comforts of their childhood home’s basement?

The point is that years ago, Cain opened as the hottest thing on the block. I remember it being notoriously hard to get into. I used to quake in my heels at the door thinking about how threatening long-haired euros wielding clipboards looked. And everyone was wowed by their animal head and safari theme.

This was long before Goldbar’s impressive skulls and 1Oak’s ridiculously expensive engraved walls entered the picture, upping club’s decorating requirements significantly. Cain was hot. They had girls in zebra bikinis convulsing on white sides of the club that resembled caravan sheaths, they had drummers in abundance, they had struck an exquisite balance in music that managed to be tribal yet commercial. And who didn’t like their sexy, high ceilinged individual bathrooms? The club reminded me of Pangaea in London, and for that reason alone, I doted on it.

Around the same time, spots like Guest House and Home sprouted up. Twenty seventh street experienced a glorious run, then that dude fell down the elevator shaft of Bed, and the underage girl at Guest House was found chopped up in a dumpster. Consequently, establishments started carding and the street lost some of its shine. Soon it was clear Cain’s owners favored their sparkly, lounge-like younger child Goldbar, and Cain began to feel like an after-thought. The neglected older sibling.

That doesn’t mean there still isn’t fun to be had at Cain. I did a swing through last weekend, and while much has changed (the drummer’s now stationary, the music’s more hip hop, the door’s less daunting) I found the vibe enjoyable and fun.

Why?

Because the club’s lost its pretentiousness. It’s been dethroned. And the benefit of no longer being the coolest kid on the block is that your staff can lose some of the attitude and everyone can stop taking themselves so seriously. The atmosphere becomes laid back, dare I say – relaxing. Yes many of us are masochists who want to go out to be treated like shit only to savor the victory of knowing you achieved entrance into the hottest new place. But I don’t think anyone could categorize Cain’s transformation into kinder, more approachable creature as a ‘bad’ thing. And another animal is entering the Goldbar-Cain family. Cain Downtown in the SoHo area is officially in development. So those of you that enjoy lines, celebrity sightings and doorman abuse should be prepared to shimmy over there.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Just when you’re trying to enjoy yourself at a space saucer like Mansion where the music’s intense, the disco lights are trauma-inducing and it takes twenty minutes to scale the six staircases to the bathroom, the club fades to black and a girl with butterflies in her cascading hair starts busting out some opera. Because isn’t this why we all go to clubs? To hear whacky versions of Verdi?

I’m confused.

I’ve known Mansion is into doing shows: Last time, I witnessed some electronic string quartet jam along with the DJ. Naturally, everyone remained bewildered about whether to continue dancing or to give the string instruments their full attention while sitting attentively feigning an interest in art. This is what I don’t get. Mansion is as clubby as a club gets. No amount of luxury renovation can kill the Crobar spirit that permanently haunts this space. Why the bouts of Lincoln Center?

Are they trying to pull a theater thing like The Box?

Are they trying to culture the club experience?

Do they consider such spectacles a selling point?

How much is this costing them on top of their frightening rent?

I’m thirsty for theater as much as the next overworked New Yorker, but is when I’m chilling with my fifth cocktail really the time I want it chucked in my face?

Next time at Mansion, I’ll consider packing both earplugs and opera glasses.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

The downside of dating someone you go out and have fun with is that you’ll eventually have to see them drunk, at night clubs, post break-up. You’d think that because New York is ginormous, the chances of running into your ex would be slim. This could not be father from the truth. Most circles of friends frequent a rotating handful of places, the grown-up equivalent of the three neighborhood bars in college. Running into you’re ex isn’t a probability, it’s a certainty. And thanks to alcohol, all your emotions will be heightened and on edge. So ‘sadness’ becomes ‘SADNESS!’ and ‘I wasn’t that into him,’ becomes ‘We were building a LIFE together.’

So not only are you entering an inevitably awkward, emotionally uncomfortable situation, you’re doing it on dramatic steroids. How to handle such encounters? Let’s explore a few.

1. DBS (Devil Bitch Stare): Most women perfected this glare that resonates pure hate and loathing in middle school. Men might have to practice a half-hour in the mirror since cattiness doesn’t come as naturally. Stare with a seething that implies ‘if you contracted leprosy and your limbs fell off, I’d laugh,’ and you’ll know you’ve got the tone right. If you don’t want to have to interact with your former significant other while you’re out, DBS will do the trick. Give ‘em this gaze and they won’t come within a twenty foot radius.

2. Amnesia Effect: When your eyes meet awkwardly across the room, greet the ex with the blank stare of a head trauma victim. People get amnesia everyday! It could’ve happened to you! This immature solution also takes the ball out of your court. It’s now your ex’s job to figure out whether to approach you and ask what’s wrong or play along like you don’t know each other. Genius!

3. Jealousy Card: Grab the nearest homosapien (man, woman, waitress, security guard) and flirt with them like it’s the Special Olympics of speed dating. Gaze into their eyes, shimmy with them, dance with them, engage them in a sensual salsa. Your nerves about seeing your ex will be temporarily channeled into faux desire. He’ll roll his eyes so much he’ll risk cornea damage.

4. Payback: Greet him with an ‘accidental’ stiletto thrust into the foot or crotch. Give him a friendly shove from behind so his drink ends up on the girl he’s chatting up’s lap. Tell the security guard you saw him dealing drugs near the bathroom. All are equally effective on separate scales.

5. Spread Rumors: Engage in eye contact with the ex while chatting and whispering to someone else. The ex will sense you’re talking about him, and subsequently be curious, then enraged. When they confront you about why you’re acting ‘like a bitch’ you can deny you were ever talking about him OR fess up that you were just telling so-and-so about his Winnie the Pooh fetish. Revenge always makes your vodka tonic taste a little sweeter.

That about sums up the emotional immaturity I have to offer today. Of course there are kind and courteous ways to deal with bumping into an ex at a nightclub as well, but who wants to hear about those? This is New York. Relationship torture is our forte.

P.S. Just to keep up our theme of petty competition, anyone care to guess at which New York nightlife establishment the title photo was taken? The answer on Monday.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Once you’ve lived in New York five years, you think you’ve seen the maximum douchiness this city has to offer. Alas, no. This past weekend at Upstairs a promoter who’ll I leave nameless thought it would be fun to toss stacks of single dollar bills into the air like confetti to swirl down around his table every time they purchased a bottle of champagne. This occurred not once, but twice.

Patrons were unsure whether to cheer, drop to their knees to pick up the stray cash like peasants, or shield their drinks from the down-pouring greenery. While I did appreciate feeling like I was momentarily in a Cameron Crowe movie, this kind of uncalled for ostentatious behavior is hard to justify. Now if they were throwing hundreds and which I could actually keep, that would be a different story.

*Note: As a dedicated journalist, I tried to capture this horrific nightlife moment on my camera. Come to find out, taking action photos of swirling cash in a dark club without warning is extremely challenging. Needless to say I failed, but the image remains forever imprinted on my brain.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Since it’s spring and we’re all hitting on each other, I wanted to take a quick moment to analyze some of the most common going-out pick up lines and why they’re effective, or not. Here we go:

“Hi, I’m _____.” This is straight forward, simple, and clear. So you think women might appreciate it. Wrong! This simple introduction tactic has never really worked for me. Not only is it unoriginal, it’s boring. It makes you a name instead of a person. Have you ever noticed that if you instantaneously get along with someone you practically forget to exchange names since you’re so into the endorphin-fueled chemistry that’s taking over your bodies?

“Can I buy you a drink?” Generosity is good. Offering to pay is chivalrous. But unless you’re approaching a lady who’s determined to get hammered, this line has the ability to scare women away. The offer to buy can make women subconsciously feel indebted to you. Maybe I’m a spaz, but I feel like a drink offer is just too commitment heavy for the first words out of your mouth. Realize that most women feel it’s necessary to make small talk with you until said drink has been consumed. Unless you’re doing shots, that could take fifteen minutes. If it’s become clear she wants to talk for an extended period of time regardless, then pull out the drink line.

“You’re beautiful / Do you know how beautiful you are? / You’re the most beautiful girl here.” Newsflash! If you’re using the word ‘beautiful’ in your pick up line you’ve already failed. Just go home and masturbate now. Insincere flattery will get you nowhere and if the girl truly is beautiful she knows it. You pointing it out will probably just make her uncomfortable.

“Do you come here often?” While boring and unoriginal, I think this is a safe and functional conversation opener. There’s no mention of money, buying things, sexual attraction or other ‘uncomfortable’ topics. This is a neutral question that promotes a conversation flow (ex: “Yes, I come here often, I live around the corner.” “No, first time. It’s my friend’s birthday.”)

“What are you drinking?” This may be my favorite. If you like the guy you can come up with a sassy answer and progress naturally to the buying a drink stage. If you don’t like him, you just tell him the facts (you’re drinking gin and tonic), smile, and easily get away.

“I like your MoJo / Growling / Other such absurdities.” If you can pull it off, go for it. The one good thing about weirdo pick up lines is that if they’re bizarre enough, you’ll get the woman’s attention from shock factor alone. Will she judge you for it for the rest of your conversation/relationship? Probably.

“Is that the sun coming up…or is that just you lighting up my world? / Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle / If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard / etc.” Everything in this pre-formulated pick up line category is bad. I’m not even going to comment.

What should women use on men? Well, I’m guilty of the point-blank awkward, “hey,” and the “what are you drinking?” line. If I’m really desperate I’ll talk to the guy pretending he’s someone I might know and then feign embarrassment / surprise when we actually don’t know each other. Cheap and lame, I realize. Suggestions? Comments? Feel free to add on your own.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com

Spring has been an eternal excuse for people to get a little frisky; to let their guard down, let their worries down, let their pants down, etc. Folks are coupling off faster than you can count flowers and the word ‘Hamptons’ seems to penetrate every New York conversation. Many of us who spent chilly winter evenings enwrapped in a duvet cover eating ramen in front of game shows are now out every night – because there’s sun, because Happy Hours are actually ‘happy,’ because you don’t need industrial strength layers, mittens, and warm accessories to get where you need to go. All you need’s a sundress, a song and a skip.

While this all sounds fabulous, it’s a big lifestyle adjustment to trade your nightly mac’n’cheese in bed for nightly evenings at Marquee. All this joyousness can lead to a condition I like to call ‘Spring Over Kill.’ The symptoms include severe exhaustion, daily hangovers, and hormones going haywire. Since the long-awaited good weather’s irresistible, you’re incapable of taking it easy at home. You’ve shed your hermit skin and have transformed into a social butterfly that’s out 24-7. The problem is that if you overdo it partying now, you’ll be dead before summer.

So in an attempt to help cure cases of SOK (Spring Over Kill), I’ve created a reference to analyze how we’re all handling the change of seasons. Utilize the spring nightlife guide below to determine if your party fever’s OK, dangerous, or out of control to the point where you need to padlock yourself in your apartment for some R&R.

Entrance Drama

OK: You know the doorman’s name
Dangerous: You have a secret handshake
Lock Yourself Up: You bolt the club closed together before 5 A.M. breakfast

Bottle Service

OK: Just when clients are in town
Dangerous: Just when anyone’s in town
Lock Yourself Up: As long as you’re in town

After Clubbing Snacks

OK: Occasional street meat
Dangerous: The vendor knows how spicy you like your taco
Lock Yourself Up: You have an automatically renewing 4 A.M. reservation at L’Express

Dating

OK: You pick up some numbers
Dangerous: You pick up some people
Lock Yourself Up: You can’t pick up anyone you haven’t already hooked up with

Bathrooms

OK: You use the shortcut
Dangerous: You’re used to the bathroom attendant greeting you with a hug
Lock Yourself Up: You use the staff bathroom and have the access code memorized

Night Doorman

OK: He expects you home between 2 and 4 A.M.
Dangerous: He often has to carry you in
Lock Yourself Up: You get home so late he’s already off shift

Promoters

OK: You get 3 – 5 promotional texts a day
Dangerous: You reply to 3 – 5 promotional texts a day
Lock Yourself Up: You participate to the extent where people think you’re a promoter yourself

Drinking

OK: A few drinks never killed anyone
Dangerous: A few bottles never killed anyone
Lock Yourself Up: Regular blackouts never killed anyone

Shots

OK: On special occasions, fine
Dangerous: On every occasion, cheers!
Lock Yourself Up: Constantly circulating on platters, thanks!

Hangovers

OK: Sometimes my head hurts
Dangerous: Sometimes I forget how to multiply and divide
Lock Yourself Up: I don’t get hangovers thanks to my mimosa intake the next morning.

Liquor Intake

OK: Politely sipping from a champagne flute or drinking through a straw
Dangerous: Through six straws
Lock Yourself Up: Directly from bottle

Security

OK: The security guard doesn’t know me
Dangerous: The security guard knows I’m a regular
Lock Yourself Up: The security guard knows more about my life then I do

Credit Card

OK: Always in my wallet
Dangerous: Always behind a bar
Lock Yourself Up: Always missing and could be at Scores

Results

Mostly OKs: Continue to party responsibly

Dangerous: Make yourself stay in with a movie at least thee times this week

Lock Yourself Up: Put down the drink you’re holding. Detox in bed with Echinacea and green tea. No going out again until you can complete the mental equivalent of a crossword or intermediate Sudoku puzzle.

Miss Model Behavior’s the new nightlife writer for theBlaqlist.com. Feel free to post any nightlife comments or questions on our forum or contact her at MissModelBehavior@theBlaqlist.com